Play the song as you read to feel my mood.
I'm not as happy as I showed on my face recently. Things are really too complicated for me to sort them out. Five years together. Five years of laughter. Five years of tears. Nobody in this whole wide world will know what I felt, or where I stand. Not him, not even myself.
There were times I wanted to throw everything away. I wanted to start a new life with new memories. I wanted to wipe everything related off.
But these memories are the chains and strings that keep me holding on, made me keep believing, keeping me warm. There is such a huge part of me in them. Removing them is just like tearing myself apart, leaving countless giant holes on my soul.
I know what I want. I always knew what I wanted.
I want a family filled with laughter. I want a child. I want my partner to want a child. I want both of us to want being together, not just seeing and touching each other, but being together by living on ONE SOUL.
Feeling lonely now.