23 March, 2009

Yesterday we had a fight... One that made me ran away from him...
Why does he have to be so easily frustrated and got mad?? Since the beginning, I adviced and talked and did everything that I can to change him.
I THOUGHT I could.
But it ended up that Im still the one who got screamed at. Just because of TEENY WEENY crappy matters. Im not complaining. But just couldnt stand it anymore.
We went to Penang on Saturday and quarreled on the cause of something about braveness in the inside and the shell. We got angry and started quarrelling. I admitted that I have mistakes but he don't really have to shout at me! In anger, he drove back to butterworth after we have stopped at Prangin for 5 minutes without me stepping down from the car. During the journey none of us talked. I tried to but he was still filled with anger, and that made me shut up.
Maybe his anger faded and instead of going home, he changed route to Tambun for dinner. Dinner time was satisfactory. None of us mentioned about the fight and talked about the food. After dinner, at home, I thought everything was ok. It was, until I mentioned about the fight we had, and he started being angry again for something I've said. For me, I don't think it was worth frustrating about. But to him, he thinks that Im insulting him. He actually asked me to REMEMBER what I've said in an insulting tone!
I admit Im sad. Sad for the way he treated me when he 's blinded by anger. He promised me to correct himself but he didn't. Eventually, it got worse.

I ran away that night after leaving him a breaking-up letter. It was 12 am in the morning. Not much car on the road. He called and called but I didnt bothered answering. I didnt want to go back to him, but on the other side of me, I wished he would come looking for me... I got lost in Butterworth for the 1st time.. Somewhere in the housing area behind KwangHwa School... But I still didnt answer his phone... When I finally got back on the road i knew, I didnt know where to go.. I have no friends that I can go to... I drove back to his place, just to see whether he went looking for me... HE DIDN'T!! Asshole! He just keep calling and calling! I answered and he asked where am I. I bluffed and told him I am going back home. He said nothing and I hang up on him. He called and called again. We said a whole lot of things but I still not feeling like going back. Finally, when he said sorry for wasting my three years, I bursted. I didnt want this ending. But it seemed like I really want it. Im confused in myself.

Couldnt let go of my feelings, I went back. He came towards my car, red-eyed. I told him I had nowhere to go. He pleaded for not running away again. He won't let me shed a tear again.. I hope this will last... For my heart couldnt stand breaking again...


Steph.. ^^ said...

Hey.. I hope things are going well between you two.. I dun rili know what to say, cz no matter what I advice you to do, you will always follow your heart and the decision that you've made.. Think wisely of what you should and shouldnt do. That's what we always tell each other rite? Hahaha.. No matter what happens, I will always be around. We're just a door away if u need me. ( : Door will always be unlocked unless Yuane, Lisa or Kari locks it la. ( : Cheer up!!

sherlyn ching said...

Hey dear, I remember sum1 told me b4, LOVE is composed of 99.9% bitter and suffer, as well as 0.01% sweetness. When u choose to fell in love, u shuld hav prepare to take the sadness coz by it... A little quarrel is normal, try to cope is normal bt when it bcum too much, it's bad. I aint u so I wont be saying i understand ur feelings, bt i knw ur r sad... Take some time to cool down, think, whether he is d 1, d 1 who worth u rely in ur future. U don hav to force urself becoz of those memories, sumtimes u might find tat let go is better than hold on... If u nid sum1 to talk to, do feel free to find me. I remember during sem1 time we r quite close n even study in study area together, bt nw nt even talk...ToT Haha, nt to blame bt juz my own perspectic... Stay happy owez!!

NinGxi said...

Thx Sher. Im happy to have known u.. And I also realized tht we'r not talking nowadays. I duno y. Mayb bcoz of all those stress & homework in School.. But no matter wat, Im thkful to knw u. & thx for the advice u gave. I hope u can be happy always too..