I've been pretending that I'm ok. I'm not. I'm not strong enough to show my sadness and disappointments to the world but inside there's a tornado twisting roughly. I don't want people to pity me, I don't want people to look down on me. I know I can do it if I wanted to.
Those around me might have checked. Yes, I failed my MCBM 1 paper. Been called for VIVA but still couldn't get through it. I'm strong enough to put it down here, just to say I'm really sorry. I'm not useless. I'm just stupid enough to waste my time and run away from studies. Should've studied while I have the time.
Batchmates have been posting their happiness on Facebook. I read all of them, sharing their joy of completing first year, while feeling sad for myself. With nobody in my shoes to talk to. How could I ruin their happiness with my sorrow? How could I possible want them to share my bad news while they are celebrating their good ones?
It's all my own stupid fault. I admit my weakness and foolishness. The blame is all on me. But there's no turning back. I don't own a time machine that can bring me back in time. The only possible, sensible thing for me to do right now is to look forward. Prepare for the better and the worse, and grow up.
Friends, please support me. I've learnt my lesson well and properly.
Papa, Mummy, please don't be too angry. I promise I shall prepare everything on time.
Ningxi, please stand up and smile. God has everything in His hands.
Father, please help me. Let your great wisdom and strength come upon me and help me up again. with the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.